Sunday, November 09, 2014

Week 7: Bloatasaurus Dreams of Sleep

Symptoms This Week
The title says it all. I am bloated, grumpy, and exhausted. I keep thanking my lucky stars that I am not sick this time - I had forgotten how truly awful it was. However, I am so dragged out that I hardly leave the couch anyway. :)

Look at my little pooch! It's bigger than my 12 week pooch last time, and I have been like this since I got pregnant this time. I am wearing my maternity gear in this photo already. Thank goodness for stretchy pants!

What We Did
We attended two CD release shows! Last night, we attended Amelia Curran's release, then Danny attended our dear friend Jerry Stamp's release. They are two of my favourite artists, so I am really looking forward to hearing the finished products. 

How I am Doing
Nervous wreck, here. I had some anxiety last time around, as does any woman in the first trimester, but this time it is much more amplified and is showing no signs of slowing down. See, most women think that after the first trimester they are "safe," whereas I am utterly terrified of what comes later in pregnancy. 

I envy other pregnant women who can relax into their pregnancies and complain about how the baby is taking too long to come, how they are gigantic, etc. I will never again be able to be carefree or joke about that kind of thing. Chances are, assuming everything goes well, that we will be monitored closely, then induced early. I used to dream of natural birth, me going into labour when my body and baby decided it was right, me having the option of choosing drugs or no drugs...I'll never know what a normal birth experience feels like. Talk about having your confidence shaken to the core! 

To be honest, it is so hard for me to believe that this baby will live and come home. I want to believe that, but I am too afraid right now. I hope that changes later on. A lot of people like to attempt reassurance and tell me of all the other moms they know who have lost a baby, then gone on to have more, but seeing as I know about a million percent more about the topic, I don't see it as reassuring at all, as bitter as that may make me sound. I would rather people just acknowledged that I (we) are in a scary place after going through a horrific loss and just be there for us. I am so grateful for the many friends and family who are doing exactly that.

Coming Up
The good: We are taking a little mini-vacation later this month that I am really looking forward to. I have had no vacation time since I went back to work in June, and this adventure will take me places I have never visited before. And to food I have not eaten before (that is mostly where my mind is at).

The bad: I am going to be so super busy at work before we go away! We have a huge event happening this coming week that will require a lot of time and energy and evening hours. I am so pooped even thinking about it.

The "I'm not sure": We have been scheduled for an appointment with the MFM specialist (Maternal Fetal Medicine) in December. I am both excited for it and nervous about it; I am excited because I hope to get some reassurance based on facts and research. However, I am nervous that they will say they know little about this cord defect and say it is unlikely to reoccur (how can I believe that when it has hardly been studied?) I researched the heck out of hypercoiled cords and came up with very little information (what I did find was not encouraging). At any rate, the MFM will be able to recommend a monitoring plan for the remainder of the pregnancy, and knowing that will help a little.

The End
I know this is a little gloomy for a pregnancy blog, but I know it will perk up as things progress. Thank you for following along!

The nickname "Snowpea" has been gaining some popularity, but I'm not sure yet if it will stick. Stay tuned for Baby Blob-sac's permanent nickname. :)

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