It's stuff like this that makes me dread Christmas so much. I felt a stab in the heart when I saw it on facebook today.
The flip side to this is that the worst thing ever is not having your child with you during the holidays. When all of your many friends with kids get to buy gifts and plan new traditions while parents like us struggle to hold it together. I don't begrudge all of those families their happiness, but my aching arms long to hold my little ones too. Deep in my heart, I worry I will never get the chance.
I remember going to Target with Danny and looking at monogrammed stockings for Haven last year. It feels like another lifetime. Another us. I could never have imagined that our lives would fall apart like they have. That this year two babies would be gone and our house would be quiet as a tomb.
Today was hard and it is only December 1. God, help me survive this month. I feel so weary.
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